21. Make a Slip-and-Slide

10:53 PM / Posted by Carlie / comments (0)


Who doesn't love a good slip-and-slide? It brings out the silly in people (examine pictures above), and no one can resist trying their luck at gliding. A bit of laundry detergent goes a long way. The next time it rains at your campus, "drop" some soap, break out the swimming goggles and start sliding. So go ahead: you need a little harmless fun.

20. Set a Friend's Home Page to an Embarrassing Website

10:43 PM / Posted by Carlie / comments (0)


Have you ever heard of Meatspin.com? Neither had a friend of mine, until it popped up on her computer in a class lecture. It may embarrass your friend, but you'll have a lot of fun imagining her reaction (as well as the reactions of her classmates).

19. Share Your Bunk Bed for a Night

10:31 PM / Posted by Carlie / comments (0)


It's a conspiracy. College bunk beds are rickety, old and barely big enough for one.

Love your large bed at your home-sweet-home? Get used to sleeping on a mattress that has mysterious stains and barely extends the width of your body. Want to make it seem bigger? Share your bed with a guy and spend a night crunched against a wall or squished underneath his body. I promise, the next night, your barely-twin will feel like a king.

If he asks to spend the night again, tell him the futon is available. It's okay to be greedy.

18. Go to Student Health... They Have Goodies

10:36 PM / Posted by Carlie / comments (0)


No, when I say goodies, I don’t mean lollipops. While Student Health is severely lacking in actual medical assistance, it is useful for one thing: interesting take-homes. Forget the condoms (not when you’re having sex of course, but for the purpose of this post); the real value lies in the free lube.

Have you ever had a lube fight? If not, you are missing out on the college version of a water-gun splashathon. Last year, a few of my suitemates coated each other (and the walls and doorknobs of our neighbor’s suite in the process) in an epic lube battle. Give it a try. It’s not as dirty as it sounds.

Check out your school’s student health. But if you want real medical advice, I would suggest the community hospital…

17. Break Up with Your High School Boyfriend

10:22 PM / Posted by Carlie / comments (1)


You’re not going to be with him forever. Trust me. He’s really not that awesome (even if you think he is), and when you enter your freshman year, it’s time to cut him loose. In fact, going off to college is the perfect excuse to break up with your high school boyfriend. Go out, explore, make new friends (particularly the hot guy type), and meet new people (again, particularly the hot guy type). And when you bump into a cutie in your first-year poli class, you’ll forget all about what’s-his-face.

Here are some fun ways to let him go:

1. Casually mention, “I’ve decided to become a lesbian.” Apparently, it’s the new thing.  
2. You get terrible cell phone reception on campus. So you can’t answer his calls… for seven months.
3. Tell him, “If I wanted to stay in a trailer park with you, I wouldn’t have gone to college.”
4. Use the old standby: you’ve decided to forgo The University of North Carolina for the National University of Singapore.
5. Say, "I've decided that I'm ready to have children." He'll run away after that. 

NOTE: If you really, really love him, stick with him. High school sweethearts are sickeningly cute, and we all secretly long for that kind of relationship.

16. Ask Out Your Crush

12:39 AM / Posted by Carlie / comments (0)


This isn't  the 1950s; women are actually allowed to do stuff now. So don't be afraid to ask out the hot guy in your English class. Guys love the attention (it's a total ego boost), and nine times out of ten you'll have complete success. I know, putting yourself out there is scary. But what's the worst that can happen? If he says no, take the small self confidence blow and then take a good look around. This is college. Don't worry, if you fail miserably with your crush, you'll find someone else. Quickly. So give it a try. Really, what's the harm?

Note: If your crush is truly unattainable (aka a basketball or football superstar), this rule does not apply. Avoid public embarrassment at all costs.

15. Go on Facebook while Intoxicated

5:42 PM / Posted by Carlie / comments (0)


One reason: You'll regret that drunken wall post you wrote at  3 AM.  Wait until the morning to write your urgent message. Avoid the “Hey cutie, whats yur number” and spare yourself the humiliation.

14. Pull a Prank

5:33 PM / Posted by Carlie / comments (0)


Pranks are for immature high school boys, right? Not true. Pull a prank your first year of college. It can be small scale or large scale, premeditated or impromptu. However, I would suggest that you start small to test your abilities, practicing on one or two unsuspecting guys (girls tend to get angrier). Last year, for example, my roommate and I pranked our neighbor, arranging his socks into crop circles, putting his clothes in the microwave, and taping quarters over the eyes of his sexy model posters. He retaliated by moving our beds out onto the balcony and stealing our clothes. If you plan a prank, prepare for retaliation. It might be the most fun you ever have acting like a fourth grader.

Happy pranking!

Note: Colin, we’re getting you back. Don’t forget to lock your door at night.

13. Kiss When You're Sick

12:40 PM / Posted by Carlie / comments (0)


Why is this a bad idea? Common sense. Do you really want to explain to someone why you just coughed in their mouth? Gross. Plus, 48 hours later, when your make-out partner comes down with H1N1, they’ll have you to thank. Wait until you feel better before you stick your virus-infested tongue down some guy’s throat. It’s better for both of you.

12. Dress like a Slut on Halloween

12:28 PM / Posted by Carlie / comments (0)

SHOULD. (within moderation)

According to the 2004 Blockbuster Mean Girls,

Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.

To a great extent, this is absolutely true, especially in college. Halloween is a night of mischief, mayhem, excessive drinking, and being whoever you want to be (and typically, most freshman girls want to be a slut). I am by no means advocating hiking up your skirt, plopping some pasties on your boobs and heading out the door. However, if you really want to do that, Halloween night is the time to get away with it. So if your dream is to be a naughty schoolgirl, a sexy nurse or even a hooker, go for it, girl. You’ll be sure to draw attention. Just class it up your sophomore year.

Note: Make sure all of your lady parts are secure and covered. Dressing like a slut is one thing. Being arrested for indecent exposure is another.

11. Stalk the Mascot

12:08 PM / Posted by Carlie / comments (0)


College is home for the next four years. Get to know its mascot, the symbol of your university, closely and personally. Don’t take this zoophilia to a creepy level (you don’t want to be that girl), but spend time actively seeking out your mascot at sporting and tailgating events. If nothing else, the fruits of stalking make a great picture (see above).

10. Read Texts from Last Night

11:50 AM / Posted by Carlie / comments (0)


If you haven't ventured to the delightful website that is textsfromlastnight.com, please do so urgently. There, you will find gems like this:

(510): he said he didn't have a condom.
(415): and you said?
(510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

Who doesn’t want to read people’s ridiculous text messages? TFLN is a college phenomenon. Hop on the train.

9. Date a Frat Guy

11:37 AM / Posted by Carlie / comments (0)


A Frat Guy (generally) has one thing on his mind: sex, with multiple girls, every night. A Frat House can hold hundreds of wasted, half-naked girls at a time. Why are you so na├»ve to think that he’s only interested in you? Get real. Don’t give yourself over to him, because a week later, he’ll get bored and send you packing. Keep a little dignity.

Besides, do you really want to date someone whose wardrobe consists of pink Polos and visors? You're better than that.

8. Listen to "I'm On A Boat"

5:17 PM / Posted by Carlie / comments (0)



Listen to this song, memorize the words, and be prepared to recite the words at any party or social gathering. If you haven't heard this song, you are most likely an outcast. Let's fix that, shall we?

Note: Do not under any cirumstances become one of those people who raps, "I've got my swim trunks, and my flippy floppys," every 60 seconds. That's called Tourette's Syndrome, and it's not pleasant. You're not T-Pain, so don't try to be.

7. Facebook Stalk in Class

4:50 PM / Posted by Carlie / comments (0)


Facebook stalking. Everyone does it, and in the privacy of your own dorm room, it's socially acceptable. But when you are sitting in a crowded lecture hall, scrolling through all 300 photos of some guy you just met last night, you have a problem. And now the entire class knows you have a problem, too. Inevitably, that guy's best friend will be sitting in the seat behind you. He will then tell said guy that you are an obsessive, psychotic creeper. Nobody wants that.

Moral of the story: Facebook stalk your little heart out, but don't get caught.

6. Get Your Ass Out Of Bed

1:06 PM / Posted by Carlie / comments (0)


It's tempting, I know. Those three layers of foam and the warm sunlight streaming on your face make it hard to get out of bed in the morning. And when that Grey's Anatomy marathon comes on TV, your decision is made. Why go to class, right? I mean, college professors don't even take attendence.

Wrong thinking, sister. Get your ass out of bed. Trust me, it's a harsh reality when you realize: shit, I just failed Aerobics, because I was too busy watching One Tree Hill.

Hop in the shower, slip on some Sperrys and head out the door. You'll thank me later.

5. Sexile Your Roommate

11:01 AM / Posted by Carlie / comments (0)

SHOULDN'T. (for excessive periods of time)

According to Urban Dictionary, sexile means:

to banish a roomate from the room/dorm/apartment for the purpose of engaging in intimate relations with one's significant other/sex partner.

Most freshman girls are guilty of this at one time or another. It's not necessarily a bad thing. However, don't be rude about it. If you want to get with your guy, wait until your roommate is gone. Or, if your roommate never leaves the room, kindly ask if you and your guy can be alone for a little while. That's what dorm lounges are for: sexiled roommates.

Note: Sexiling your roommate for more than 55 minutes is ridiculous. I mean, come on, does your guy really take that long? I didn't think so.

4. Pass Out at a Party

10:51 AM / Posted by Carlie / comments (0)


Don't be that girl. No one likes that girl. Not even that girl's friends like that girl. If you feel like you've had a little too much to drink, go home. Immediately. If not, your friends will have to (begrudgingly) carry you back to your dorm.

Or worse, you'll wake up the next morning on a ratty couch covered in vomit (yours possibly, or someone else's), thinking: what happened last night?

I repeat: Don't be that girl.

3. Learn the Rules of Beer Pong

10:25 AM / Posted by Carlie / comments (0)


College 101: Thou Shalt Learn the Rules of Beer Pong. It's a uniquely American game (some may call it a sport) that involves sinking a ping-pong ball into cups of beer. You will see this at every frat house and college party on your campus. Even if you're not a big drinker, learn the rules. Beer pong is an institution.

2. Kiss a Stranger in the Dark

10:04 AM / Posted by Carlie / comments (1)


Unless you've seen this person in the light, never kiss a stranger in the dark. I repeat: NEVER. He will always turn out to be ugly; it's Murphey's Law. If you are really anxious to go for it, pull him into the light first. And if you are drunk at the time, ask a friend to verify that he is in fact make-out worthy.

It's better to be safe than sorry. Take it from a friend of mine: last year, she kissed a guy who we now refer to as "Turtle Boy."

1. Read Tucker Max

9:45 AM / Posted by Carlie / comments (0)


I know, Tucker Max is a masochistic drunkard, who is by his own admission an asshole and a womanizer. So why should freshman girls read his work? Answer: he is the hero of every American guy. To understand the psyche of the college male and have a good laugh with your friends in the process, read Tucker Max, at either TuckerMax.com or in his book I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell. Trust me, you won't be sorry, especially when you strike up a conversation with a hot guy by saying: so, have you heard of Tucker Max? You'll like the results.

Last year, my copy of his book was ruthelessly stolen and used as bathroom reading for a group of sophomore guys. Dear thieves on the seventh floor: I want my Tucker Max back.


9:26 PM / Posted by Carlie / comments (1)

Freshman girls. Everyone knows them. They're loud, obnoxious and anxious to enter the exciting world of frat parties, beer pong, cafeteria food, all night library cram sessions and mild independence. The truth is, I used to be one of those girls. Now a sophomore, I periodically look back on my life freshman year (which I absolutely adored) and remember so many nights that went totally right, or absolutely wrong.

This blog will list the 500 things that every freshman girl should (and shouldn't) do in their first year of college, from creating a slip-and-slide on your balcony to sleeping (and yes, I do mean actually sleeping) with a guy in a small, rickety bunk bed. A sort of bucket list if you will, I draw heavily from my experiences, and those of my friends, to outline the perfect, memorable freshman year. After all, the first day of college is the first day of your new life. Make it count.